Sedona, The Journey Back To Self

Sedona, The Journey Back To Self
by

Sedona, Arizona was a place I visited once before. I enjoyed the vortex energies, the great food, the wonderful people and crystal shops. I was there with my former partner and of course the trip was not as exciting as this trip with my wonderful wife and soulmate, Holly. This trip was different. I figured it would be more fun with my true love, the one I was always meant to be with….so let’s go enjoy the trip I told Holly. She had never been to the magical place of Sedona. I honestly thought I was just taking a second trip to show her the vortexes and do some hiking. Boy was I in for an awakening! Or shall I say ‘reawakening’!

It’s amazing how we go through life assuming we are living our authentic selves.  We have love, a great home, a cozy circle of friends. We just keep pushing through life searching for purpose and truth. I thought I reached it. I thought I was already there. Sure I had dreams I wanted to reach, but I somehow didn’t feel whole with myself. For the last couple of years, I have not felt like I was “me”. I had no explanation for it and never shared it with Holly either. You see, it was my name, “Lyric”. I legally changed it back in 2015. My real name is Madison. It was who I was. My older friends who always knew me as Madison used to say “you never used to be like that”, “what’s wrong with you?”, “where is the Madison I always knew?”. They were referring to my passive responses to ugly, mean spirited, ignorant people during a rough time when I lived in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.  But I cannot blame my lack of self because of them…let’s go back in time.

When we are in relationships for a long time with the wrong person, sometimes we lose ourselves or we get emotionally hammered down by them. (Or shall I say, we ‘allow’ them to hammer us down). The bright, spiritually connected, strong person I was when my former partner met me, was not the same person when she left me. I didn’t notice it. I just kept going. Kept living. Then I meet Holly. She is amazing and life with her is wonderful. Even with the struggling beginning of ignorant outsiders, we got closer and stronger. But the problem was that Holly didn’t get that ‘bright, spiritually connected, strong person’ the former partner got. Holly got a crumbled up version of it. It’s like a piece of paper with a beautiful poem on it. The poem is there, but the paper is all crumbled up. Maybe the poem is now harder to read. I didn’t notice it. I was in it.

My club friends called me “Lyric” because some guy was hitting on me and I told him that was my name. Lyric was actually a vampire character in a story I was working on. The name stuck, and while my former partner and I were drifting apart, the name gave me a sense of strength and a new me! A new start! Problem is, changing a name doesn’t fix what’s going on inside us.  The ex emotionally beat me down and I just wasn’t myself anymore. She didn’t do it on purpose. When people show up at our heart’s door, they too are somewhat damaged and only project what they know how to do. She treated me great in the beginning but as years went on, she treated me by the way she felt about herself. That is what people do…they treat you based on how they really feel about themselves. That last sentence helped me to understand the painful experiences in Tennessee as well as soured friendships I had for a decade! I no longer blame myself. They simply treated me based on how they felt about themselves. 

During my seven years as “Lyric”, life was quite a challenge. My love life with Holly was wonderful, but the rest was not so kind. The people who knew me as “Lyric”, the events that happened as “Lyric” were not so wonderful. Returning back to my true self spiritually helped me close that painful chapter. Relationships that faded also faded along with the name Lyric. It is quite a relief. Of course life has its ups and downs, but I prefer to handle them as my true vibration, my true energy and of course my true self that was somehow lost. I embrace my name Madison more than ever now. I needed to get lost in order to know more about me.

Let me make it clear that I agree when people change their name because the energy, the frequency, the tone does not fit their true self. I get that. Sometimes parents miss that intuitive signal when naming their child. Each soul comes down on a frequency and name changes are sometimes necessary. But this was not the case for the name Madison to Lyric.

Okay, so back to my passive responses in Tennessee. I had no idea I was lost. If anything I felt I was ‘found’ with my new and wonderful relationship with Holly. Sadly, if I had even known how to heal that broken part of myself, the one who went by Madison, I would have handled the conflicts in Tennessee a lot differently. Those meanies would have met the dragon! I sometimes wish I could see a film of how that would have played out! 🙂 My old friends were right, Madison would never have acted like that!

We moved to sunny, happy Florida on the gulf side in 2018. Ahhhh, back where I can breathe again. Great! In the beginning, we had house issues and I had mold illness and with any name, that would have been rough for anyone. But as time went on, after the house was finished and my health improved….I was still not myself. I felt like I was in a costume just trying to get by. I never shared this with anyone, but for the last couple of years, I have been struggling with the name Lyric, wanting my real name Madison back. But I thought about how challenging name changes can be legally. So much paperwork, etc. I  just kept the thought buried, and I shrugged it off assuming as we age, we just change and carried on…until Sedona happened this year in 2020.

Okay, back to Sedona. Holly and I were having a wonderful time, hiking and enjoying the energy of this magical place. My soul was unwinding and having such an amazing time. We kept driving by Sacred Elements, a metaphysical store I was drawn to and we finally decided to stop in since our trolley plans changed. No coincidences there. 🙂 Holly wanted an aura reading. Again, I thought I was there for her, to help her experience this and that! In walks a beautiful spirited man named Mario. He just so happened to have time to do our aura readings. When it was my turn, Mario looked at my paper I filled out and asked, “so what is your name?” I paused. “Well, my real name is Madison.” The paper said Lyric Madison Hutchison. Holly was a bit surprised. Where did that come from? Well, my real inner voice, the one that is my truth said that. Mario looked at me with his kind hearted, warm smile and said “you are Madison. It is who you really are. Madison is Medicine. You are extremely intuitive and are a healer.”

Okay, I tried to hold back the tears but could not. Yes I have always been very intuitive and all that, but to have a ‘stranger’, on the outside of my life directly speak to me regarding the vibration of who I truly am was a HUGE reawakening for me. He touched my heart. It was the energy of my name Madison and all that went with it that created an overflow of energy pouring out of my heart and soul. I sobbed and hugged him, even during covid. I needed the hug! When I used to talk about my life to people I used to say “I was strong back then…” NO! I am strong now. I know what I want and who I am now! Madison!  In that moment I took back my namesake, I took back my power and internally searched for that spiritual roadmap back to ME. Holly is just now seeing her! I love hearing her say my name. “I love you Madison”…. it’s music to my soul!

I walked into that shop as Lyric and walked out as Madison. I threw the old costume in the trash!  I was on cloud 9. I could not explain what was happening inside of me. It just felt right. It felt good.  It felt like my DNA was shifting! We immediately went to Cathedral Rock, a strong vortex area and I sat there, just being Madison again. The energy swept around me and I felt whole again. I found it hard to sit still, but I finally did.

Sedona started off as a fun place to share with my wife Holly, but it ended up also being about finding my true self again. I cannot go back to the past. I move forward bravely. One person said to me ‘we learn from our mistakes.’  NO. There are no mistakes, just journeys.

Most people who get lost in unhealthy relationships, go through trauma, experience hardship don’t even realize those things changed them. They just keep going. Maybe they too forgot who they were. Forgot they were a bright light being here on earth to do great things. We all come down here with purpose, a life of light and love, but sometimes we forget. As my beautiful (musical band) BTS member Kim Namjoon said “speak yourself”.  I now understand that statement more than ever. It was hard for me to do that, without my real name, my truth.

I will forever be grateful for Sedona, for Mario the kind spiritual teacher who helped realign me again and all the magic Sedona bestowed on me, on both of us. Sure I got nice jewelry, art and a few crystals. But the greatest gift I took home from Sedona, was Madison….me.

 

 

 

 

 

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